Things you should know about living abroad

So you know someone abroad or you want to go abroad.  Living abroad is exciting and glamorous, but its not all the time and weird things happen to you.  So here are somethings that happen that maybe you want to know about.

Christmas in summer.  What?!

Time moves differently: Now I'm not saying you get sucked into a time warp, but your awareness of time changes. You may have moved to a place that has different seasons than back home.  I don't care if you are in the northern or southern hemisphere.  I mean, even if you move to the same latitude as your home the weather patterns are a going to be a bit different. Meaning you never really know what month it is.  You don't spend 20+ years in the same place and not have an automatic season month regulator in your brain.  Also meaning you get confused on holidays, birthdays you name it. 

Me in traditional Korean garb

Holidays, what holidays?:  So you're in a new culture and they have no idea what Easter is and a slew of other celebrations you used to observe. If no one around you is making plans for Halloween, most likely you are going to forget it too. But the cool thing about being in a new culture is that you end up celebrating their holidays. You'll get excited for Chinese New Year or getting a day off work for Buddha's birthday. 

You miss happy celebrations... All the time: The first year I was abroad I missed 5 weddings. This blew me away. But I'm at the age group where I will now be constantly be missing important events in my friend's lives. They are settling down and starting families and I am thousands of miles away.  This means I miss a lot and observe from afar. But it's ok.  They'll understand, and if they don't, then they probably aren't that great of friends.  You can't expect someone in a different time zone to wake up at 2AM to skype for a baby shower, a birthday or whatever.  You can send a card.  That's not too much.  It's not the same as a pack'n play, but do you know how much those things are to ship over seas.  Forget it!  I'm even horrible at sending cards.  E-mail seem to work just fine.

You miss sad things: You also miss the stuff you should be there for support. I'm talking surgery, death, diagnosis... Hard stuff. You can only do so much from a far. And for some reason a hug seems way better than a card. You can still be there, even if you are thousands of miles away.  Send an e-mail, support them on social media.  They WILL appreciate it.  They know you can't be there, and it's ok.  You'll be there when you go back to visit or to live.  If it is really important, don't hesitate.  Take the next flight out and be there.  Even of you show up after the important stuff, you still came.  Don't forget your people back home, they certainly aren't forgetting you.

Time zones:

Yeah, this part sucks. During my three years living in Korea I would wake up at 2AM to make phone calls for birthdays and holidays and even the IRS. You just can't expect other people to remember that there is a 13 hour time difference.

 I gave my Korean phone number to a few people in that states and wha-la! I received several phone calls at 4AM or other weird times. Once people figure it out though it's pretty cool. A good friend of mine used to call me when she was going to school at six in the morning. It was the perfect time for me. About four in the afternoon, Korean time. All my classes were done at that point and I had usually finished all my work for the day.  Chat away lady.

because he's cuter than a sad Miriah

Not having what you need emotionally: Sometimes important things happen to you and you want to share it with your family or best friend, not necessarily the people you've only known for a months. This is difficult.  You can't always call when these things happen, the time difference, job, everything gets in the way.  This is when you find out who your new friends really are.  You will need to share, and share with people you just met, and you'll be surprised.  You'll find compassion and understanding where you least expect it.  This doesn't mean don't reach out to your tried and true family and friends.  This means vent when you need to and bring it to the table with your close support system when they are available.  Never feel like you embarrassed yourself in front of new acquaintances.  If they can't deal with a little bit of your stress, they wont be there in the future. So really it's no problem.  Just make sure you are available in turn to to help them when they need an ear as well.

Weird relationships: When you're abroad you tend to pick up weird close friends.  This is part of the life abroad, no one is normal any more.  The people you meet are similar to you, but can never be that same as your friends from back home.

The most common thing that seems to happen when you move out of your home town is that friendships you make come and go.  Also the people who’ve been in your life for ages seem to change and move on.  You make friends because they share one common interest with you, not several or a bond that has been formed over many years.

This is pretty normal and also why these friendships seem to transient.  You hangout with specific personalities when you need them.  If you need a party personality you have that, if you need a rock you have that too.  I have found that being abroad has broadened my idea of friendship and people in general.  I never hold it against people when they move on to a new friend to spend more time with.  We'll keep in touch and you never know when they will need you again.  But you also will find those diamonds in the rough.  People who stick around and turn into close friends, forever friends.  Keep a close eye out for them and make it work, even if you do end up living far away from them in the end.

Learning to substitute: So you can't find your favorite deodorant, or really any stick deodorant. So you end up getting super expensive weird smelling spray deodorant or looking up how to make your own.  This became the norm for me in Korea, I was constantly substituting.  I also ended up doing similar things in New Zealand, but more because of price than availability.  You have to learn to adapt.  For my first year in Korea this was fabulous.  Not only did I become a better cook, but I also lost tons of weight because I now longer had access to my comfort foods.

My favorite form for substitution is with food (if you didn't guess this already).  I think this is because I became a better cook.  You want to be able to make dinner for yourself, regardless of what is available.  So you learn.  In my first year I personally did not want to hassle someone on the phone with my sub-par Korean to order pizza.  I'll share some things I learned while living abroad about cooking substitutes.


butter substitutes
apple sauce:  a cup to a cup
you can also make your own apple sauce by boiling down apples.  I've done this before to bake cookies and I didn't have butter or any other substitutes.  But this is time consuming.
 vegetable oil: 3/4 cup to a cup of butter
1/2 butter and 1/2 mashed banana or persimmon works wonderfully as well
coconut oil also works, but who has coconut oil and no butter?

pasta substitutes

I make my own.  I know a drag right?  But pasta is much easier to make than you think.  I've made my own ravioli, lasagna noodles and even fettachini.  Here is a basic recipe for you all. Eggs, flour, salt and water.  Come one guys.  Take the time to make your food more delicious.

Ricotta substitutes

soft tofu, not silken, soft.  All mashed up with a fork
Make your own with milk and lemon juice/vinegar/lime juice.  It only takes 15 minutes.  Bring several cups to almost a boil and remove from heat before it boils over.  While still hot add lemon juice slowly, stirring continuously until curds and whey separate.  Then strain through an old t-shirt or a cheese cloth if you're that classy.  Wha-la! fake ricotta.

I can't think of anything else off the top of my head, but these can get you a little some where.

You're English suck (Yes, I am aware it is your):  I ended up spending enough time with people who were learning English that my pronunciation and basic grammar suffered.  I learned to change my speech so I was more easily understood.  This means using concise sentences and often dropping articles or even throwing in some konglish words.  I think this might be more because I am an English teacher (ironic right).  But if you spend enough time with people with horrible English, of coarse your speech is affected.  Don't worry, it'll come back.  As soon as your are around a lot of English speakers again you will be throwing in the old vernacular and swearing up a storm.

Reverse culture shock: No one gets you anymore.  You come back with stories no one understands or really wants to listen to.  People are fat, people are rude and people are socially intolerant to new things.   This is not how things actually are, but just a new perspective you are having on your own culture.  Basically you have now become the foreigner and have to re-normalize your life.  Reverse culture shock is quite normal.  You went out into the world and now you see it differently.  You changed, but the people back home have not.  Don't force your perspective on other people and definitely don't harp on about how much "better" or "different" it was wherever you just were.  You'll re-assimilate and people will get to know the new you (and not be so weirded out by it).  Just remember to be positive and keep an open mind.

Thankfully I haven't fully experienced this.  When I have gone back, it was for a short period.  One day I might end up in the states and then y'all are going to have a nostalgic Miriah on your hands.  "You know in Korea they do..." or "In New Zealand everything..." Hopefully I can take my own advice.

Forbes has a great article on reverse culture shock and describes things much better than I do.


New habits: Of coarse you are going to create new habits while living abroad.  you will keep most of your old ones, but new and strange ones will sneak in without you even knowing.  There is a certain way to do things in other countries and if you didn't adapt some of them into your everyday rituals, you were probably not traveling long enough.  ;)

 A few I have yet to lose, even though I have been in a western country for ages now, is bowing and covering my mouth when laughing.  When passing someone on the street and they smile I'll nod a little.  When someone makes a joke, I'll cover my mouth politely if I smile or laugh.  These are very normal habits in Korea.  I know there are certain hand gestures I'll still use, the Indian head jiggle and (my favorite) not caring about insults as much.  You just never know what the real intention is or if it's being mis-translated or if they actually have no understanding of the word "Fuck."  Dude I've seen this word on 10 year old's shirts.  They had no idea and their parents, obviously, didn't have a clue either.

Accents:  Also your accent might be a bit off.  I don't know about you, but I pick up accents by accident all the time.  I still say y'all from hanging out with my southern friends so much in Jeju.  I also say weird things like; tuk, sweet as, chao, and a slew of other random words.  I have been informed, since moving to New Zealand, that I sound more Kiwi. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure I'll find out as soon as I get back.

And that ends this gloriously long list of things... I abstained from a few more.  I mean this list could go on forever.  But in all seriousness.  Travel people, it's good for ya.

Back on Waiheke

So Waiheke, you remember this place where I used to work.  A beautiful land of warmth and little rain… Well I’m back!!! And it rains a shit ton.   And I get to work in it.

our water tank (It's masive)

 This was good for our water tank.  On Waiheke almost everyone collects rainwater to be used for their day to day water usage.  For showers, washing dishes, watering the garden, so on and so forth.  So If it doesn’t rain, we have no water.  Because of this Ashlie and I became very conservative of water when we were living there, and I still am now.  I save my shower water to flush the toilet.  I don’t take a show unless I stink.  Dish water can also be saved to water the garden.  You know the usual stuff.  So the rain was a boon to everyone.  We needed it.  Our tank was down to the pump.  But this puts damper on work as well.

leg bruises, after a few weeks of healing

 Do you like being whipped?  Well if you do you might want to consider a job in the vineyard.  In the winter this job required long sleeves and safety glasses to help you avert most of the blows to your less tender areas.  This does not prevent the straggler vines from whipping you in the face.  I also have super scratched arms from this exercise of removing old vine from the wires.  *shrugs*  All in a days work.  At first I didn’t like this work, but as I figured out a mythological (yes! As in a fairy tale) way of removing the vines it became easier, or basically I just sucked it up.  There is no nice way of removing vines, but patience can be built over a period of time, so you are not cursing at every other vine.  The little curly tendrils that attach themselves to the supporting wires are cute.  Really.  Not little devils to be sworn at… not at all. 

tying down vines

Anywho.  I have been learning a lot from these experiences. We have also been trimming and tying down the vines that have been left on the plants.   

some random guy painting fungicide

A weekend activity I have taken up (Yes! overtime) is painting fungicide on the exposed wood from pruning.  This stuff is super dangerous.  I read the label after a few weeks of applying this stuff to vine.  It has a specific warning on the label to alert the local officials of any of this enter the local water supply.  EEEKK!!  Good thing I wore gloves most of the time.

bottling

I also got to spend a day in the winery helping with bottling.  This is a rare experience, and only somewhat exciting.  If the machine is deciding to have a good day we spend hours packing full wine bottles into crates.  If the machine is being grumpy we wait around for hours for it to be fixed, or just stop and start a lot.  I enjoyed getting out of the rain.  And it’s much less manual labor than being the vineyard.  Party on and listen to lots of music!

end of pruning!

<-- This is Donna and my end of pruning picture.  We did it!  We finished all the pruning before August.  Something that is unusual.  I rack it up to having a great team.  We are the Bomb!  We were supposed to have a party, but it kinda fell apart.  Corey left for island paradise for a week, Josh was back at school and Donna didn’t work on Fridays.  So it ended up to be a Miriah and Nicky party!  No problem with that.  We had delicious slow cooker nacho-ness with salsa and couscous.  I went home early to sort out plane tickets and Nicky stayed at work to sort out paperwork so she could go surfing all the next week.  I’m sure we will have an end of pruning party soonish.  You never know.  Either that or fishing.  I’m ok with either of these things.

I have friends, I swear.  To prove it…

Katja is a friend I met while I was wwoofing in Havelock.  She decided to come and visit me on Waiheke while she was staying in Auckland for a few days.  We only got to spend one night together, but that was enough.  She came to my work and my boss/landlord offered her a ride to the house.  How nice was that?!  I took the scooter home and met her there.  

Next we were off to try and find the sunset.  This was a sad prospect, considering the sun was setting as we walked to the bus stop.  Unfortunately we missed it, or just caught the tail end of it.  Having to travel by bus is so much different than scooter.  We took the bus from my house then hitch hiked from the main road to Onetagi.  I thought that going to Onetagni was best, because she wouldn’t be traveling in this direction the next day.  Also Onetagi is one of the nicer beaches on Waiheke.  

We walked a bit then we had dinner at one of the Cafes on the beach.  It was a nice little catch up.  When we got back to the house I had to get ready for the next day, but we talked about wine and politics before I knocked off.  The next day was full of my usually earliness… getting ready for work at 7:30 means I usually start my day at 6.  We said good bye, and I’m sure I’ll meet her again, either in Germany or wherever I end up living in Asia.

I also try and do Couchsurfring, but fail at hosting.  But wait, wait, wait…  I got to host!!!

Couchsurfing!  I finally have couch to offer others.  I have always wanted to host, but I’ve had a few roommates that weren’t so cool with it or I just hadn’t had space.  My high on being able to contribute back to the couchsurfing community was short lived. 

 I didn’t ask my landlord right away.  She is uncomfortable with the idea, and I wasn’t aware.  I get it.  Granted; these are strangers and people are not likely to lock their doors where I live.  I certainly I don’t, and also don’t have a way to do it anyway unless I buy a padlock.  I diverse, I asked about it the day before and got a yes from my landlord’s husband, but the next day I was informed it’s not so cool.  By this time the ball was already rolling.  I was meeting the girls at the ferry at 2:40pm.  So because of this miscommunication I got my one and only couchsurfers.  Two lovely Uni ladies from Hong Kong came to stay with me.  They were only in the country for 10 weeks and were on week three when I met them.  

I picked the ladies up from the ferry terminal.  I was lucky and hitch hiked there directly.  Hitch hiking still amazes me on Waiheke.  This guy was heading into Oneroa, but just took a little detour to drop me off.  People are so nice.

The Ferry was a little bit late.  But that is normal.  We then had to walk up the road a bit.  The ferry they took was off of the normal bus route.  One of the wineries I wanted to take them to was close by but also closed by the time we got there, so we headed on over to my work instead.  

 I had talked to Haley, who is in charge of the tasting room, about what time was best to come by.  She said anything after 3:30.  Because we had quite a ways to walk this worked out perfectly.  I hope the ladies like walking, because without my scooter there was going to be a lot of that.   

Goldie Vineyard in all it's photo-shopped glory

We got to work just in time.  Haley was working and her tour group had just left, so we were free to taste and talk.  I picked her brain about the wine.  I had actually never done a wine tasting, and even though I knew what I was going to buy I wanted to learn a little bit more about the processes.  Haley had a bit of information she could impart on me and I absorbed it all.  I hope I can work in the tasting room before I leave Waiheke just so I know what is going on with the wine a little bit more.  I already know a lot about growing and maintaining the vines and I get smidges of knowledge about the wine process when I am working in the winery, but I have a feeling that being the tasting room I’ll learn so much more and be able to connect the dots to what actually happens.

I bought a few bottles, one for me and one for parents, then we headed off to town to meet the girl’s friends who were visiting that day as well.  The bus passed and it was full up, so we had to walk to town.  This sucked a bit, I was a bit mad at the bus driver, but there is nothing you can do besides wait an hour or walk.  Walking took much less time, plus we could see the beach on the way there.  

Once we got to the beach it was about sunset, so we sat and watched it and waited for their friends.  The friends never came, so we continued into town and sat down at the Red Crab (a thai restaurant I hadn’t tried yet) to wait.  They showed up and we chatted.  Everyone was studying English Teaching, so we had a bit to talk about. We talked about all of their experiences abroad and what they thought of New Zealand.  It was a good dinner.  After we went down to the beach for a walk and everyone started taking pictures of the stars.  At first I was surprised and then they explained that in Wellington you can’t see the stars well and in Hong Kong you can never see them.  It was fun.

After this it was early, but felt late to me.  I always wake up early, regardless if I have the day off, so I am always ready for bed.  We waited for the bus and got back around nine.  The girls wanted to make a Chinese dessert, but at this point I just wanted to relax and not eat anymore.  I showed the girls the house and then headed off to read a bit before bed.  In the morning we got up before sunrise, but the girls wanted to take showers so we didn’t get any pictures of the sunrise like they wanted.  Instead I took them to the bus stop so they could catch the 9AM ferry.  Before they left we took a picture and the girls gave me calligraphy Chinese phrase of “Good Health and wellness”.  I love that I got to share my home with them and wish I could do more.  Maybe my next house, unless mom and dad are down with it.  Then I can do it in NY while I study.

I also got the chance to go to Charlotte’s birthday party.  This was supposed to be a surprise party, but Charlotte told me to come.  So maybe it wasn’t so much of a surprise.  But it sure was a lot of fun.  There was a live band most of the night.  The police eve came on a noise complaint.  Friends had painted a mural on the wall that was just beautiful.  Also by the end of the night Charlotte’s friends put on a Burlesque show.  Stripping, firing eating and dancing.  Over all it was a great night.  I met a few people there and got some contacts for later to hang out with.  Ever since Ashlie left, I have been lacking on the friend department. This was great for me.

I actually see rainbows almost everyday

between storms

what my hands looks like on a regular basis

all the plants tied downs and looking spiffy