Things you should know about living abroad

So you know someone abroad or you want to go abroad.  Living abroad is exciting and glamorous, but its not all the time and weird things happen to you.  So here are somethings that happen that maybe you want to know about.

Christmas in summer.  What?!

Time moves differently: Now I'm not saying you get sucked into a time warp, but your awareness of time changes. You may have moved to a place that has different seasons than back home.  I don't care if you are in the northern or southern hemisphere.  I mean, even if you move to the same latitude as your home the weather patterns are a going to be a bit different. Meaning you never really know what month it is.  You don't spend 20+ years in the same place and not have an automatic season month regulator in your brain.  Also meaning you get confused on holidays, birthdays you name it. 

Me in traditional Korean garb

Holidays, what holidays?:  So you're in a new culture and they have no idea what Easter is and a slew of other celebrations you used to observe. If no one around you is making plans for Halloween, most likely you are going to forget it too. But the cool thing about being in a new culture is that you end up celebrating their holidays. You'll get excited for Chinese New Year or getting a day off work for Buddha's birthday. 

You miss happy celebrations... All the time: The first year I was abroad I missed 5 weddings. This blew me away. But I'm at the age group where I will now be constantly be missing important events in my friend's lives. They are settling down and starting families and I am thousands of miles away.  This means I miss a lot and observe from afar. But it's ok.  They'll understand, and if they don't, then they probably aren't that great of friends.  You can't expect someone in a different time zone to wake up at 2AM to skype for a baby shower, a birthday or whatever.  You can send a card.  That's not too much.  It's not the same as a pack'n play, but do you know how much those things are to ship over seas.  Forget it!  I'm even horrible at sending cards.  E-mail seem to work just fine.

You miss sad things: You also miss the stuff you should be there for support. I'm talking surgery, death, diagnosis... Hard stuff. You can only do so much from a far. And for some reason a hug seems way better than a card. You can still be there, even if you are thousands of miles away.  Send an e-mail, support them on social media.  They WILL appreciate it.  They know you can't be there, and it's ok.  You'll be there when you go back to visit or to live.  If it is really important, don't hesitate.  Take the next flight out and be there.  Even of you show up after the important stuff, you still came.  Don't forget your people back home, they certainly aren't forgetting you.

Time zones:

Yeah, this part sucks. During my three years living in Korea I would wake up at 2AM to make phone calls for birthdays and holidays and even the IRS. You just can't expect other people to remember that there is a 13 hour time difference.

 I gave my Korean phone number to a few people in that states and wha-la! I received several phone calls at 4AM or other weird times. Once people figure it out though it's pretty cool. A good friend of mine used to call me when she was going to school at six in the morning. It was the perfect time for me. About four in the afternoon, Korean time. All my classes were done at that point and I had usually finished all my work for the day.  Chat away lady.

because he's cuter than a sad Miriah

Not having what you need emotionally: Sometimes important things happen to you and you want to share it with your family or best friend, not necessarily the people you've only known for a months. This is difficult.  You can't always call when these things happen, the time difference, job, everything gets in the way.  This is when you find out who your new friends really are.  You will need to share, and share with people you just met, and you'll be surprised.  You'll find compassion and understanding where you least expect it.  This doesn't mean don't reach out to your tried and true family and friends.  This means vent when you need to and bring it to the table with your close support system when they are available.  Never feel like you embarrassed yourself in front of new acquaintances.  If they can't deal with a little bit of your stress, they wont be there in the future. So really it's no problem.  Just make sure you are available in turn to to help them when they need an ear as well.

Weird relationships: When you're abroad you tend to pick up weird close friends.  This is part of the life abroad, no one is normal any more.  The people you meet are similar to you, but can never be that same as your friends from back home.

The most common thing that seems to happen when you move out of your home town is that friendships you make come and go.  Also the people who’ve been in your life for ages seem to change and move on.  You make friends because they share one common interest with you, not several or a bond that has been formed over many years.

This is pretty normal and also why these friendships seem to transient.  You hangout with specific personalities when you need them.  If you need a party personality you have that, if you need a rock you have that too.  I have found that being abroad has broadened my idea of friendship and people in general.  I never hold it against people when they move on to a new friend to spend more time with.  We'll keep in touch and you never know when they will need you again.  But you also will find those diamonds in the rough.  People who stick around and turn into close friends, forever friends.  Keep a close eye out for them and make it work, even if you do end up living far away from them in the end.

Learning to substitute: So you can't find your favorite deodorant, or really any stick deodorant. So you end up getting super expensive weird smelling spray deodorant or looking up how to make your own.  This became the norm for me in Korea, I was constantly substituting.  I also ended up doing similar things in New Zealand, but more because of price than availability.  You have to learn to adapt.  For my first year in Korea this was fabulous.  Not only did I become a better cook, but I also lost tons of weight because I now longer had access to my comfort foods.

My favorite form for substitution is with food (if you didn't guess this already).  I think this is because I became a better cook.  You want to be able to make dinner for yourself, regardless of what is available.  So you learn.  In my first year I personally did not want to hassle someone on the phone with my sub-par Korean to order pizza.  I'll share some things I learned while living abroad about cooking substitutes.


butter substitutes
apple sauce:  a cup to a cup
you can also make your own apple sauce by boiling down apples.  I've done this before to bake cookies and I didn't have butter or any other substitutes.  But this is time consuming.
 vegetable oil: 3/4 cup to a cup of butter
1/2 butter and 1/2 mashed banana or persimmon works wonderfully as well
coconut oil also works, but who has coconut oil and no butter?

pasta substitutes

I make my own.  I know a drag right?  But pasta is much easier to make than you think.  I've made my own ravioli, lasagna noodles and even fettachini.  Here is a basic recipe for you all. Eggs, flour, salt and water.  Come one guys.  Take the time to make your food more delicious.

Ricotta substitutes

soft tofu, not silken, soft.  All mashed up with a fork
Make your own with milk and lemon juice/vinegar/lime juice.  It only takes 15 minutes.  Bring several cups to almost a boil and remove from heat before it boils over.  While still hot add lemon juice slowly, stirring continuously until curds and whey separate.  Then strain through an old t-shirt or a cheese cloth if you're that classy.  Wha-la! fake ricotta.

I can't think of anything else off the top of my head, but these can get you a little some where.

You're English suck (Yes, I am aware it is your):  I ended up spending enough time with people who were learning English that my pronunciation and basic grammar suffered.  I learned to change my speech so I was more easily understood.  This means using concise sentences and often dropping articles or even throwing in some konglish words.  I think this might be more because I am an English teacher (ironic right).  But if you spend enough time with people with horrible English, of coarse your speech is affected.  Don't worry, it'll come back.  As soon as your are around a lot of English speakers again you will be throwing in the old vernacular and swearing up a storm.

Reverse culture shock: No one gets you anymore.  You come back with stories no one understands or really wants to listen to.  People are fat, people are rude and people are socially intolerant to new things.   This is not how things actually are, but just a new perspective you are having on your own culture.  Basically you have now become the foreigner and have to re-normalize your life.  Reverse culture shock is quite normal.  You went out into the world and now you see it differently.  You changed, but the people back home have not.  Don't force your perspective on other people and definitely don't harp on about how much "better" or "different" it was wherever you just were.  You'll re-assimilate and people will get to know the new you (and not be so weirded out by it).  Just remember to be positive and keep an open mind.

Thankfully I haven't fully experienced this.  When I have gone back, it was for a short period.  One day I might end up in the states and then y'all are going to have a nostalgic Miriah on your hands.  "You know in Korea they do..." or "In New Zealand everything..." Hopefully I can take my own advice.

Forbes has a great article on reverse culture shock and describes things much better than I do.


New habits: Of coarse you are going to create new habits while living abroad.  you will keep most of your old ones, but new and strange ones will sneak in without you even knowing.  There is a certain way to do things in other countries and if you didn't adapt some of them into your everyday rituals, you were probably not traveling long enough.  ;)

 A few I have yet to lose, even though I have been in a western country for ages now, is bowing and covering my mouth when laughing.  When passing someone on the street and they smile I'll nod a little.  When someone makes a joke, I'll cover my mouth politely if I smile or laugh.  These are very normal habits in Korea.  I know there are certain hand gestures I'll still use, the Indian head jiggle and (my favorite) not caring about insults as much.  You just never know what the real intention is or if it's being mis-translated or if they actually have no understanding of the word "Fuck."  Dude I've seen this word on 10 year old's shirts.  They had no idea and their parents, obviously, didn't have a clue either.

Accents:  Also your accent might be a bit off.  I don't know about you, but I pick up accents by accident all the time.  I still say y'all from hanging out with my southern friends so much in Jeju.  I also say weird things like; tuk, sweet as, chao, and a slew of other random words.  I have been informed, since moving to New Zealand, that I sound more Kiwi. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure I'll find out as soon as I get back.

And that ends this gloriously long list of things... I abstained from a few more.  I mean this list could go on forever.  But in all seriousness.  Travel people, it's good for ya.